Baku, or The Map Game

I keep thinking of this poem I read when I was studying WW2 in school. The book only had the first 2 lines of the poem, and I didn’t even know there was more to it until I looked it up because it kept repeating itself over and over in my head.

Its Jolly to look at the map, and finish the foe in a day. 
Its not easy to get at the chap; these neutrals are so in the way. 
But what if you say ‘what would you do to fill the aggressor with gloom?’ 
Well, we might drop a bomb on Baku. Or what about bombs on Batum?

Other methods, of course, may be found. We might send a fleet up the Inn.
We might burrow far underground and come up in the heart of Berlin. 
But I think a more promising clue to the Totalitarian doom 
is the dropping of bombs on Baku. 
And perhaps a few bombs on Batum.

The scale of the map should be small if you’re winning the war in a day. 
it mustn’t show mountains at all, for mountains may be in the way. 
But, taking a statesmanlike view, and sitting at home in a room, 
I’m all for some bombs on Baku. And, of course, a few bombs on Batum.

Sometimes I invade the dear Dutch. Sometimes I descend on the Danes. 
They oughtn’t to mind very much, and they don’t seem to have any planes. 
I slip through the Swiss and say ‘Boo!’. I pop over the Alps and say ‘Boom!’. 
But I still drop a few bombs on Baku. And I always drop bombs on Batum.

Vladivostok is not very far. Sometimes I attack him from there. 
With the troops in a rather fast car, I am on him before he’s aware. 
And then, it’s so hard to say who, is fighting, precisely, with whom, 
that I know about bombing Baku, I insist upon bombing Batum.

 

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